Does couples counselling really help?

Couples counselling can genuinely transform struggling relationships — here's what the evidence says.

What is couples counselling and who is it for?

Couples counselling — sometimes called relationship therapy or couples therapy — is a structured, guided process in which two partners work with a trained therapist to explore the challenges affecting their relationship. It is not reserved for relationships on the brink of collapse. Many couples in Brighton & Hove seek therapy at earlier stages, wanting to improve communication, rebuild intimacy, or navigate a specific life transition such as having children, redundancy, or bereavement.

The simple truth is that most couples wait far too long before seeking help. Research from relationship psychologist John Gottman suggests that couples wait an average of six years after serious problems begin before entering therapy. The earlier you start, the more tools you have to work with.

Does couples counselling actually work?

The evidence is encouraging. Studies consistently show that around 70% of couples who complete a course of relationship therapy report significant improvements in their relationship satisfaction. Approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method have particularly strong research backing, with EFT showing recovery rates of up to 90% in some clinical trials.

Of course, outcomes depend on several factors, including both partners' willingness to engage honestly, the skill of the therapist, and the depth of the issues being addressed. Couples counselling is not a magic fix — it requires commitment, vulnerability, and a genuine desire to understand your partner's inner world as well as your own.

What kinds of issues can couples counselling address?

Couples come to therapy for a wide range of reasons. Common themes that therapists in Brighton & Hove regularly work with include:

• Communication breakdowns and recurring arguments
• Infidelity and rebuilding trust after an affair
• Emotional or physical disconnection and loss of intimacy
• Differences in parenting styles or family pressures
• Financial stress and conflicting values around money
• Life transitions such as moving in together, marriage, or retirement
• Supporting one partner through mental health difficulties
• Deciding whether to stay together or separate

Even couples who ultimately decide to part ways often describe therapy as invaluable — it can help both people gain clarity, communicate more respectfully, and, where children are involved, co-parent more effectively.

What happens in a couples counselling session?

Sessions typically last 50 to 60 minutes and take place weekly or fortnightly, depending on the therapist's approach and your circumstances. In the first session, the therapist will usually want to understand what has brought you both to therapy, hear each partner's perspective, and begin to get a sense of the relationship's history and strengths as well as its difficulties.

Good couples therapists are impartial. They are not there to take sides or assign blame, but to create a safe and boundaried space where both partners feel genuinely heard — often for the first time in a long while. Over subsequent sessions, patterns of communication are explored, emotional needs are identified, and practical strategies for change are introduced and practised.

How long does couples counselling take?

This varies considerably. Some couples notice meaningful shifts within six to eight sessions. Others, particularly those dealing with long-standing trust issues or complex trauma, may benefit from a longer course of work lasting several months. Many therapists in Brighton & Hove offer an initial assessment session, giving you the opportunity to ask questions before committing to ongoing work.

Is online couples counselling as effective as in-person sessions?

Since the pandemic, many therapists now offer sessions via video call, and research suggests online couples therapy can be just as effective as face-to-face work for many people. That said, some couples find that sitting in a dedicated therapy room — away from home distractions — helps them engage more fully. Both options are available through our Brighton & Hove directory, so you can choose what suits your lifestyle and preferences.

Common myths about couples counselling

Several misconceptions put couples off seeking help. It is worth addressing the most common ones directly:

• Myth: Therapy is only for relationships that are failing. In reality, many couples use therapy proactively to strengthen a healthy relationship.
• Myth: The therapist will tell us to break up. Ethical therapists do not advise couples to stay together or separate — they help you make that decision for yourselves.
• Myth: Talking about problems will make things worse. Avoiding difficult conversations is far more damaging over time than addressing them in a supported setting.
• Myth: It is too expensive to be worthwhile. Many therapists in Brighton & Hove offer sliding-scale fees, and the cost of not addressing relationship difficulties — emotionally and practically — is often far greater.

Finding the right couples therapist

The relationship you have with your therapist matters enormously. Look for someone who is accredited with a recognised professional body such as the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) or UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy). Read their profile carefully, notice whether their approach resonates with you both, and do not be afraid to try more than one therapist before settling on the right fit.

Brighton & Hove has a vibrant and diverse therapeutic community, with practitioners working across Hove, Kemptown, the North Laine area, and beyond — both in person and online.

Amelia Luff

Staff writer

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